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Why Strong Parenting is Important to the Happiness and Emotional Well Being of Your Child

Why Strong Parenting is Important to the Happiness and Emotional Well Being of Your Child

Child Refusing Vegetables© Beckyabell | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photoshttp://www.stockfreeimages.com/

We live in an age of enlightenment…or so they say. We definitely live in the information age. As for the age of enlightenment…that may not be so true.

Parenting is tough…no baby comes with an instruction manual and every child is unique.

However, too many parents seem to believe that children are fine without guidelines or moral teachings. They seem to think that with all the information available in the world – their children will just absorb everything that is out there and be equipped to sort it out all by themselves.

I would never be in favor of returning to the days of rulers across the knuckles but I have seen firsthand the effects of parents who don’t care sufficiently or provide adequate nurturing, teaching, and boundaries…and the effects of that type of parenting are neither good nor positive for a child’s health.

I believe that there is a natural order that is meant to be followed: which is that parents are the parents because they are the ones who are meant to be in charge of the household – not the children. If it were meant to be the other way around – I believe that God would have had children giving birth to parents.

I have dealt with two adopted children who have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). RAD is an emotional disorder caused when children are not nurtured or kept safe. (There is more to it but for now that explanation will have to suffice). My children have RAD because they experienced abandonment and neglect. However, a child does not have to be abandoned or neglected to experience the emotional fall out of RAD.

Just let a child “Rule the Roost” and let him/her know in no uncertain terms that they are in charge and you have created a potential candidate for RAD yourself.
Have you ever noticed that children who run their homes are angry children with blatant disrespect for everyone and everything around them? There is a reason. A child needs boundaries. The soul of a child inherently knows that their parents should be in charge and teaching them and setting the example, etc.  When no guidance or boundaries are established by parents, the child is left feeling scared, abandoned and unsafe – even if the parents are right there in their presence.

I had a therapist describe it something like this: “Who knew that when we were changing their diapers (of our emotionally healthy children) while they were screaming, and fighting us and hating it; when we didn’t let they have their way or climb where they wouldn’t be safe; when we didn’t let them steal a toy from another child – they knew we were communicating that we cared and that they were safe and that we were helping them to be emotionally well.”

So…if you want your children to be emotionally healthy – love them, snuggle them, give them strong boundaries, teach them morals and appropriate behavior, teach them to work and be a contributing member of your family, teach them to respect you , others and themselves and you will have a much greater chance of raising a happy,  emotionally healthy child.

Why Your Self-Esteem is Important to Your Health

Why Your Self-Esteem is Important to Your Health

I often work as a weight loss and health coach with patients in our office. Working with our patients in this way has helped me understand something important about self-esteem. I have never believed that self-esteem comes from outside sources as much as it comes from within.

I believe that self-esteem is an accumulation of choices that we make every day of our lives. Whether we recognize it or not – each choice that we make, in regards to the type of person we choose to be, impacts not only who we are becoming but how we feel about ourselves.

I love the following quote by Stephen R. Covey: “Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.”

What I have been able to observe as I have worked with individuals make positive changes in their lives and in their health is that as they demonstrate to themselves that they can make and keep commitments with their selves – their belief in their worth, their strength, and their potential grows.

I believe that conscience is a major player in self-esteem. I suspect that many people struggle with their self-esteem because their choices, their actions, and their lives in general are not congruent with their beliefs. Self-esteem is developed over time based on the balance of decisions we make, the actions we take, the way we treat others, the standards we set and maintain in regards to our goals and aspirations, and the level of respect, integrity, compassion, and discipline we give and receive throughout life.

I remember one of the women I worked with coming into my office after being on a modified diet for only 3 weeks. Each of those weeks she had lost weight and better yet, each week she had been able to sense how much better she was feeling. There was a light in her eyes and a noticeable difference in how she carried herself. Never before had she believed in her ability to make and keep a commitment – in her words “I have always believed I had no will power”. Three short weeks had taught her differently.
So what influence does self-esteem have on health?

I believe that when we live in harmony with our conscience – we make better choices in regards to the foods we eat, the activities (such as daily exercise) we participate in, and how diligent we are about our overall health.

If Health is Feeling Well…Then What About What We Don’t Feel?

If Health is Feeling Well…Then What About What We Don’t Feel?

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I was meeting with a client the other day. She was concerned about the future of her health. This particular client is overweight and has a family history of heart disease that seems to reveal itself in her family members at very young ages.  In my opinion, her concern is justified and she is smart to be making the effort to lose weight and learn healthier lifestyle habits.

But what is health? Is it just the absence of sickness? Personally, I think that defining health as feeling well is absurd. – especially given the fact that we cannot “feel” 80% of what is going on in our bodies. Ever known someone who has been diagnosed with a serious health issue such as cancer that felt fine prior to their diagnosis? I think we all have. Think about it…if we could feel everything happening in our bodies that contribute to eventual ill health such as arterial blockages, cancer, kidney stones, Alzheimer’s, etc. wouldn’t the world we live in look a lot different? Wouldn’t our concerns about developing health issues be a mute point – after all, we would “feel” whatever we needed to feel before it got out of hand.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, health is a state of optimum physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease. In other words, health is not how you feel but rather, if you are physically, mentally and socially functioning at your optimum potential.

I like that definition because it addresses whole health and the fact that we cannot “feel” so much of what is going on with our physical health.  I also like the fact that it embraces health from a more rounded perspective. We are the sum total of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well being.  In truth, we cannot ignore any aspect of our health without impacting the rest.